Keeping it Real

I haven’t written a blog post in a long time. It’s not because I haven’t been doing anything. It’s not because there hasn’t been anything worth writing about… I think it’s more because I have been putting pressure on myself to write things that are well-thought-out and well-written. And, not that there’s anything wrong with that. But, I think at this point, I’d rather just focus on sharing my life with anyone who wants to know what’s going on… and KEEPING IT REAL. So, it’s about to get real. I think I’m going to try to do a weekly installation of K.I.R… yes, that means every week.

So here goes.

When people get ‘sick’ in Bolivia, it usually means that they have gotten some sort of stomach bug from something that they ate, and the result of that is really bad diarrhea and sometimes vomiting. It’s awful. And it unfortunately is an all too often occurrence with us Gringos here in Bolivia. I was sick all day today – at home – running back and forth from my bed to the bathroom. Thankfully, there is a wonder-drug called ciprofluxen that helps make everything better. But it’s days like today when I’m sick and feeling crummy that I wish my mom was here to take care of me. All that being said, laughter is always good medicine… so we (the Gringos) have nominated this our theme song:

In other news… I deactivated my facebook because I feel like it can be such a distraction. And, it’s Fall back home in New England. That means pumpkin picking, apple picking, football… and oh… all of my favorite things – so it can tug at my heart when I see everyone posting about all of those things. I can feel jealous or I can feel sorry for myself that I’m not THERE experiencing those things. But, I want to be HERE… I want to be present and fully engaged in where God has me. So, for now, I decided it’s better to just take a hiatus from Facebook. And to be honest, whenever I’ve detached from facebook (for a day…a week or a month…) it’s always made my life better. And I think it’s probably the opposite for when I’m on facebook… *But, for all of you back in New England – please enjoy all of those things to the FULLEST and feel free to send me a box of everything PUMPKIN! I’d be happy to send you my mailing address here in Bolivia!

Saw this video… thought it was really powerful

On a slightly deeper topic but connected to the last, I have been feeling pretty lonely. I miss my friends back home. I miss a lot of things from back home. But I also realized that amongst those emotions, I question my purpose for being here. I question God’s plan. And often I can feel like a failure or like I’ve let Him down. One of the things I am so grateful I had when I was in Boston was a sense of family. There were several families at church who kind of adopted me and pulled me in. Once or twice a week I would spend time with these families, we would have dinner and talk and laugh. We would enjoy football games or cookouts. I have yet to find that here. Which is ironic because ‘family’ is so important here. Everyone is with their families on Saturdays and Sundays. They just don’t seem to be so welcoming to ‘outsiders’. I will keep these things in my prayers and I trust that God knows the desires of my heart.

I’ve been having some great prayer times, which I’m incredibly grateful for. I think it’s easy for me to not pray….to not go to God. I would rather talk to a person, or watch a movie or stay distracted. But this week I’ve been forcing myself to get on my knees and talk to God and to Pray Until Something Happens (PUSH through). I’ve been surprised at the things I end up talking to God about, the things that have been weighing heavy on my heart that I didn’t realize. It’s been so good to share deeper parts of my heart with Him… and then also to remember who He is according to the scriptures – and choosing to believe truth over the lies.

Tonight, I was reminded of two of my favorite songs – the lyrics touch my heart.

“Faithful to Me” by Jennifer Knapp

All the chisels I’ve dulled carving idols of stone
that have crumbled like sand ‘neath the waves
I’ve recklessly built all my dreams in the sand,
just to watch them all wash away

Through another day, another trial
Another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I’ve seen,
and reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you’d understand,
You’re the only one who’s faithful to me.

All the pennies I’ve wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly,
for a faith to be faithful to me.

Through another day, another trial,
Another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I’ve seen,
and reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you’d understand,
You’re the only one who’s faithful to me.

“If You Want Me To” by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley if You want me to

‘Cause I’m not who I was when I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me and I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness if You want me to

When I cross over Jordan, I’m gonna sing, gonna shout
I’m gonna look into Your eyes and see, You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You
And I will walk through the valley if You want me to

Below is the video….

p.s. She’s blind… and incredibly talented!!