I moved to Honduras.

I actually did it.  I jumped head first into following my dream of living in a spanish speaking country and doing humanitarian and missionary work.  I am living in San Pedro Sula, Honduras. I did not choose to move here because it’s safe (it’s considered the most dangerous city in the world).  It’s not the prettiest city (although there ARE some very beautiful places near here that I’m looking forward to visiting).  I moved here because I felt this is where God was calling me.  Below is a photo of me in San Pedro Sula, Honduras – the first weekend that I was here – with all of my possessions… my suitcases.  Ready to rock n roll and no idea what was in store for me in the year ahead.

A lot of people have asked me how I ended up here – So this post is a glimpse into that process…

I lived in Boston for eight years…eight really amazing and awesome years – learning and growing; building some really amazing friendships and relationships.  I learned a lot.  I have so many great memories from my time there.  But in a way, I felt called to ‘spread my wings’ and venture out on this dream that didn’t seem to be fading. I have had this dream for about 12 or 13 years and around October of last year (2012) some things got shuffled around in my life and in my heart and once again I found myself wrestling with questions like “Where is my future headed?”   “What are my dreams – for my life and bringing glory to God?”.  After a few deep talks over coffee, my Yoda, Helen, gifted me a book – “Oh The Places You’ll Go!”  By Dr. Seuss  – It’s an awesome book and I love it’s simple message.  (Click HERE and you can have it read to you on youtube like story time when you were a kid).   There’s a part in it that talks about ‘the waiting room’ and  how people are just hanging out there… waiting.  Here’s the actual text:

…You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or waiting around for a Yes or a No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.  NO!  That’s not for you!

Well… when I read that it really spoke to my heart and I felt that’s where I was stuck.  Stuck in the waiting room of life.  Waiting to fall in love.  Waiting to get married.  Waiting ‘for things to change’.  Waiting ‘to find my place’. Waiting ‘for my dreams to come true’.  Waiting ‘for my life to start’.  Waiting ‘for something to happen’ (but not knowing what that was).  I was just waiting.  And I was tired of it.

A close friend of mine asked me a timely question at that point – what are you waiting for?  Why aren’t you pursuing this dream you have of living in a spanish speaking country doing humanitarian and missionary work?  I took a couple of weeks and I really wrestled with that question – and the answers I had.  The excuses.  The fears.  Many of them were legitimate.  Questions and things like:  “Is it a wise financial decision for me to do this?  What about my retirement?  What about saving money?  What about my family?  What if something happens to one of my family members when I’m gone.  My parents won’te be around forever – am I taking this time for granted?  What if something happens to me while I’m in the foreign country?  What if I fail?  What if I get there and it’s not what I thought it would be… and I hate it… and I want to come home?  What will I do with all of my stuff that I own?  What will I do when I come back to the States?  Where will I live?  What if this isn’t God’s will for me?  I don’t necessarily feel like I’m qualified to go and do this… ”   And many more uncertainties that filled my thoughts.  So as I wrestled with these things… I didn’t necessarily find answers to all of these things, but I did find peace in God and in the scriptures.  (Some scriptures that helped me: Luke 18: 27-30;  John 12:24-26;  Luke 9:23-25;  Matthew 6:25-34; James 4:13-17;  Matthew 10:26-42)

For me, I came to the realization that I was living a comfortable, mediocre life for God.  I knew I could do more for him, I knew I could sacrifice more, I knew that I could be more radical.  Not that by ‘doing’ all of these things He was going to love me more – but I knew in my heart there were things that I was ‘holding onto’ that I was afraid to let go of FOR God.  I wasn’t putting ALL of my trust in Him.  So I decided – I DECIDED – to change that.  I decided that I was going to go ‘all in’ (totally committed, holding nothing back) for God.

I kept thinking about the scripture in Luke 9:23-25  “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?”  What was I holding onto?  Was it really worth it?  I was disgusted with myself as I realized that I got more excited about the latest Groupon Deal than about walking with God and living for Him.  At the end of my life, what will I be glad that I invested in?  My life here is just a mist.  This life here on earth is not my final destination and I knew I needed to stop living like it was.   A book that I was also reading as I was wrestling through all of this was “Kisses from Katie” – it’s one of my favorite books – but so much of what Katie writes and shares in the book I felt articulated what I was feeling and it also helped me to know that I wasn’t ‘crazy’ for feeling this and I wasn’t ‘alone’.  God created me with a purpose – all of my quirks and uniqueness – my adventurous spirit – my love for travel – and many other things – and I began to gain the faith I so much needed to believe that He had a great plan for MY life and he wanted to use ME.

And so I sent out emails to people I knew in Central and South America.  I researched many different options and opportunities, wrote letters, prayed, talked with people, prayed more, and basically ‘scattered seeds’ all over and trusted that God would open the doors and lead me.  And he did.  After only a month, I made the decision at the beginning of December to move to Honduras.  My goal was to move at the end of January, so this gave me less than two months to prepare.  I totally believed that with God, I could do it.  I didn’t know how, but I knew that anything was possible with Him.