I’m emotional and sometimes I allow my emotions to totally take over. I am learning that I need to keep them in check. The emotions I feel are often the result of the thoughts that float around my head, often in incomplete sentences, and even more often I’m unaware of exactly what they are saying. According to wikipedia, the average person has 70,000 thoughts a day. That’s a whole lotta thoughts. My default patterns are to focus on the negative, on the problems and to play the victim. This gets me nowhere…actually, it leaves me worse off because it creates a spiral down effect. But, I have a choice in what I choose to believe and how I see things. Yesterday I got to talk to one of my close friends back in the States, and I was super grateful for the wisdom and perspective that she offered. She reminded me that I can either be problem focused or solution oriented. Being solution oriented and proactive is going to get me a lot further if I desire to be used by God. And she’s totally right. And truth be told… NOBODY want’s to be around a ‘Debbie Downer.’ (please watch the SNL skit if you haven’t seen it!)
And so – I just wanted to share this to encourage others if you find yourself fighting a similar battle.
Here are some things that I find are helpful when I feel like I’m being bombarded by flaming arrows of negativity…
Read scriptures in the bible. I believe this is the best way to fight off the ‘lies’ that are floating around in my head – with scriptures = the ultimate truth. Choose to believe the truth. Choose to believe God’s promises. Use the bible as your sword! 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “3 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” A book that helped me a ton in this area of spiritual thinking is ‘Mind Change’ by Thomas A. Jones.
Journal & pray. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m feeling or what those thoughts are exactly. I just know that I’m feeling down…or in a funk. It helps me to sit down and journal or pray and try to get to the root of why I might be feeling the way I’m feeling and the thoughts that are surrounding that. And God wants to know what’s really on your heart not what you think you ‘should’ say. For example… I was feeling depressed. I felt trapped and helpless and useless which then made me want to just crawl in a hole. Then, it was easiest for me to be the ‘victim’ and blame others for why I was feeling the way I was feeling and why my circumstances were the way they were and why they would not get any better. This only made me feel worse and then I was frustrated with people around me because it was ‘their fault’ and nothing would change until they did. See the pattern here? See the problem? I totally didn’t take responsibility for anything. The only person I have control over is myself – and so it’s up to me to change. Whether that means I need to change my perspective or my approach or something else…
Be solution oriented instead of problem focused. It’s easy to see problems and to be negative. It’s more difficult to try to find solutions. But it’s SO WORTH IT. So fight to find the solutions. Force yourself to. And don’t be afraid to think outside the box… like, WAY outside the box. Because remember, God can do so much more than you could ever ask for or imagine!
Attitude of gratitude. Choosing an attitude of gratitude is also a great way for me to stop the continuous flow of negative chatter that can consume my brain. Philippians 2:14 “Do everything without grumbling or arguing…” A great book that helped me with this was “Today we are rich” by Tim Sanders
Phone a friend. Talking with a friend can help you gain perspective. I am sooooo grateful for the incredible women in my life that call me higher and help me to climb out of the ‘dark hole’ when I feel I’m ‘stuck’ there. I am grateful for these friends because they listen to me, but then they don’t join the ‘Pitty Party’ – they lovingly speak the truth and invite me to leave the Pitty Party behind. Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Ecclesiastes 4:12 “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Jam out. I love listening to music. Like, LOVE. I think part of why I like it is because I find it challenging sometimes for me to articulate how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking. Music can help me or it can hurt me – if I sit and listen to ’emo’ songs for an hour or two, I definitely feel more miserable. But, there is also plenty of music out there that inspires me and pushes me to sieze the day and be my best for God. I have a playlist and it’s called “Carpe Diem” – which means ‘Sieze the Day’. It includes songs like (and please forgive the cheezy youtube videos – I just linked them so you can listen to the song if you want): “I want to set the world on fire” by Britt Nicole, “It’s your life” by Francesca Battistelli, “Farther Along” by Josh Garrels and others… and I’m always looking for more songs to add. So go make a playlist that inspires you and jam out to it! (I love Spotify for making playlists – it’s also a great place to find new music)
Catch a vision. Sometimes it’s hard for me to see beyond me and my current situation so watching a movie can also help to inspire me and give me perspective. I think that’s why I really enjoy documentaries – they help me to open up my eyes to a world that is so much bigger than me and my problems. And there are a lot of people out there that are doing incredible things and are hugely inspirational! So find some movies that inspire you! Some of my favorites: “The Inn of the Sixth Happiness” , “Like Stars on Earth” , “God Grew Tired of Us”, “Soul Surfer”, “To Be and To Have”, “Born into Brothels”
Share with others. I have a hunch we can all struggle with this so it’s always great to go and encourage and inspire other people around you. When I’m focused on other people and trying to find ways to meet their needs and encourage them, I don’t have all that extra time to spend thinking about everything that’s ‘wrong’ in my life!
Please feel free to share other things that help you or other songs or movies or books or whatever!!! Thanks for stopping by!
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I actually did it. I jumped head first into following my dream of living in a spanish speaking country and doing humanitarian and missionary work. I am living in San Pedro Sula, Honduras. I did not choose to move here because it’s safe (it’s considered the most dangerous city in the world). It’s not the prettiest city (although there ARE some very beautiful places near here that I’m looking forward to visiting). I moved here because I felt this is where God was calling me. Below is a photo of me in San Pedro Sula, Honduras – the first weekend that I was here – with all of my possessions… my suitcases. Ready to rock n roll and no idea what was in store for me in the year ahead.
A lot of people have asked me how I ended up here – So this post is a glimpse into that process…
I lived in Boston for eight years…eight really amazing and awesome years – learning and growing; building some really amazing friendships and relationships. I learned a lot. I have so many great memories from my time there. But in a way, I felt called to ‘spread my wings’ and venture out on this dream that didn’t seem to be fading. I have had this dream for about 12 or 13 years and around October of last year (2012) some things got shuffled around in my life and in my heart and once again I found myself wrestling with questions like “Where is my future headed?” “What are my dreams – for my life and bringing glory to God?”. After a few deep talks over coffee, my Yoda, Helen, gifted me a book – “Oh The Places You’ll Go!” By Dr. Seuss – It’s an awesome book and I love it’s simple message. (Click HERE and you can have it read to you on youtube like story time when you were a kid). There’s a part in it that talks about ‘the waiting room’ and how people are just hanging out there… waiting. Here’s the actual text:
…You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting. NO! That’s not for you!
Well… when I read that it really spoke to my heart and I felt that’s where I was stuck. Stuck in the waiting room of life. Waiting to fall in love. Waiting to get married. Waiting ‘for things to change’. Waiting ‘to find my place’. Waiting ‘for my dreams to come true’. Waiting ‘for my life to start’. Waiting ‘for something to happen’ (but not knowing what that was). I was just waiting. And I was tired of it.
A close friend of mine asked me a timely question at that point – what are you waiting for? Why aren’t you pursuing this dream you have of living in a spanish speaking country doing humanitarian and missionary work? I took a couple of weeks and I really wrestled with that question – and the answers I had. The excuses. The fears. Many of them were legitimate. Questions and things like: “Is it a wise financial decision for me to do this? What about my retirement? What about saving money? What about my family? What if something happens to one of my family members when I’m gone. My parents won’te be around forever – am I taking this time for granted? What if something happens to me while I’m in the foreign country? What if I fail? What if I get there and it’s not what I thought it would be… and I hate it… and I want to come home? What will I do with all of my stuff that I own? What will I do when I come back to the States? Where will I live? What if this isn’t God’s will for me? I don’t necessarily feel like I’m qualified to go and do this… ” And many more uncertainties that filled my thoughts. So as I wrestled with these things… I didn’t necessarily find answers to all of these things, but I did find peace in God and in the scriptures. (Some scriptures that helped me: Luke 18: 27-30; John 12:24-26; Luke 9:23-25; Matthew 6:25-34; James 4:13-17; Matthew 10:26-42)
For me, I came to the realization that I was living a comfortable, mediocre life for God. I knew I could do more for him, I knew I could sacrifice more, I knew that I could be more radical. Not that by ‘doing’ all of these things He was going to love me more – but I knew in my heart there were things that I was ‘holding onto’ that I was afraid to let go of FOR God. I wasn’t putting ALL of my trust in Him. So I decided – I DECIDED – to change that. I decided that I was going to go ‘all in’ (totally committed, holding nothing back) for God.
I kept thinking about the scripture in Luke 9:23-25 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” What was I holding onto? Was it really worth it? I was disgusted with myself as I realized that I got more excited about the latest Groupon Deal than about walking with God and living for Him. At the end of my life, what will I be glad that I invested in? My life here is just a mist. This life here on earth is not my final destination and I knew I needed to stop living like it was. A book that I was also reading as I was wrestling through all of this was “Kisses from Katie” – it’s one of my favorite books – but so much of what Katie writes and shares in the book I felt articulated what I was feeling and it also helped me to know that I wasn’t ‘crazy’ for feeling this and I wasn’t ‘alone’. God created me with a purpose – all of my quirks and uniqueness – my adventurous spirit – my love for travel – and many other things – and I began to gain the faith I so much needed to believe that He had a great plan for MY life and he wanted to use ME.
And so I sent out emails to people I knew in Central and South America. I researched many different options and opportunities, wrote letters, prayed, talked with people, prayed more, and basically ‘scattered seeds’ all over and trusted that God would open the doors and lead me. And he did. After only a month, I made the decision at the beginning of December to move to Honduras. My goal was to move at the end of January, so this gave me less than two months to prepare. I totally believed that with God, I could do it. I didn’t know how, but I knew that anything was possible with Him.
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This is just a quick post but I thought it was important to share because CREATIVE LIVE has a course that just started today (and if you watch it live this week, it’s FREE) that’s all about the ‘Fundamentals of Digital Photography’ taught by John Greengo. It’s a 5 Day workshop jam packed with info – he’s doing an incredible job of breaking down the basics with photos and diagrams. If you can’t watch it live or can’t dedicate your entire week to watching it – you can buy the whole course for $99 and watch it on your own schedule! Um, awesome deal!!
If you’re not familiar with Creative LIVE – check it out because they are always having super talented people on the show to teach – and you can enroll and watch any of the programs live for FREE or purchase the class to watch later.
Ok, that’s all! Have an awesome day!
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I’m single and I love being single. Valentine’s is not my favorite day and I can be tempted to feel like everyone has someone who loves and adores them except for me – but then I’m reminded to think about what is true.
Philippians 4: 8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
I can recall two times that I had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. The first time was in high school, so it was just awkward. The second time was a few years ago – and yes, it was really fun having someone tell me that he loved me, he sent me a dozen red roses and he took me out to a fancy dinner. It was special and romantic… but even that was fleeting. The roses died and months later we broke up. I’m not bitter and I’m not anti-love and I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer – I just think it’s really important to keep things in perspective… and again, to focus on what is TRUE.
The God that I serve loves me so much more than I could ever know. He adores me and he lavishes so many blessings on me that I do not deserve. He has chosen me (John 15:19; 1 Peter 2:9). He has written incredible love letters to me (the Bible). Nothing can separate me from his love (Romans 8:37-39). He has sacrificed so much just to have a relationship with me (John 3:16). He loves me at my worst (Romans 5:8). He is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness (Psalm 86:15). His love endures forever (136:26). He is faithful (Dueteronomy 7:9) He has great plans for my life (Jeremiah 29:11). He has engraved me on the palm of his hand (Isaiah 49:16).
Being single, I believe… as Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 7… is better than being married because we can be FULLY devoted to the Lord and consumed with what concerns and pleases the Lord. I would love to be married one day – if it is God’s will – but, until then… if ever… I will choose to be fully devoted to the Lord and his business and I see that as a huge blessing and an honor.
Because I am single, I can do SO MUCH MORE than my married friends – with my time, with my money, where I live, where I go, who I spend time with, the friendships I get to have, etc… If you are single, I encourage you to keep thanking God for all of the blessings in your life that you have because of where he has you RIGHT NOW – because there totally is a great purpose for you and for your life NOW. Not just if you are married. I can often be tempted to think that the grass is greener on the other side – but if I always have that mindset, I will never appreciate where God has me right now, I’ll be ungrateful, and I’ll probably have a bad attitude.
1 Corinthians 7: 28-35
“But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
When I read scriptures like this, I am convicted not only in re-forming my perspective on being single and seeing it as a blessing… but then pushing myself to evaluate – because I am single, AM I living a life of undivided devotion to the Lord? How am I spending my time? What consumes my thoughts? How am I spending my money? What about my actions? Am I concerned more about the Lord’s affairs or my own? What would a life fully devoted to the Lord look like? How can I make changes in my own life?
Single or married – we are called to find out what pleases the Lord and then let that be our guide.
Ephesians 5:8-10, 15-21 “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord…. Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
I spent my Valentine’s Day encouraging others and that made it an awesome day. I had breakfast with two awesome women – Dulce and Brenda – we shared kind and loving words with one another, building each other up; I enjoyed lunch at Dulce & Hector’s house along with Omar & Carlos for a traditional Mexican Molé dish and spiritual conversations and laughing; In the afternoon, I treated myself to a pink donut at Dunkin Donuts with my friends Mariela and Brendita, sharing about our lives and sharing scriptures; The evening was spent at the City Mall sharing with strangers about how God is the only one who can give us ‘Real Love’ and inviting them to learn more about this incredible God.
A day focused on others, a day motivated by the Lord’s will, is a much more productive & fulfilling day than any day I spend consumed with myself.
Here are two books that I found super helpful in embracing my singleness:
“Table for One” by Camerin Courtney
“Lady in Waiting” by Jackie Kendall and Debbie Jones
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Thirteen years ago today, I made the decision to make Jesus Lord of my life and I was baptized. I had spent hours and weeks prior studying the bible with friends – incredible spiritual women that were able to shed light on the scriptures and helped bring them to life. I was blown away that these women, who were around the same age as me, had deep biblical convictions and could speak to why they believed what they believed and they also showed me in the bible. I longed to know more about God and I desired to learn to walk with Him truly – I think He loves answering prayers like that. So, on February 13th, 2000 – after counting the cost, I declared “Jesus is Lord” – I suppose I knew as much as I could’ve at that point… like a young bride in love on her wedding day, I said ‘I do’ – but I didn’t totally know what that might entail as my future unfolded. I was certain though, that I wanted every day forward to include walking with God and making my life more about His will than my own will and falling deeper in love with Him.
I am not married – but in the same way that married couples celebrate their wedding anniversary – I love spending this time celebrating my ‘anniversary’ with God. There is a scripture in Isaiah that I love – “For your maker is your husband – the Lord Almighty is his name…” Isaiah 54:5. I reflect on the journey my life has taken because of my relationship with Him. It hasn’t always been sunshine and roses… it hasn’t always been easy… and to be honest… at 32 years old now, I didn’t think that I’d still be single… and never would’ve guessed that I’d be living in Honduras of all places doing humanitarian and missionary work – but in the same breath… my life is so much more than I ever could’ve hoped or imagined it would be and that’s something that it is only possible with God (Ephesians 3:20-21 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.“) When I think about the alternative, the direction my life was headed without God, it’s scary. It was a life centered around me and my own glory and success, gratifying my own selfishness and desires. My life before God was so dark and so empty.
And so, I take this time to reflect and remember all that God has done through me and for me. I looked up the word ‘remember’ in my concordance and that word is used SO MANY TIMES in the bible. It is so good for us to remember… Psalm 105:5 “Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced…” Psalm 143:5 “I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.” I also am reminded of the love and sacrifice of the women that studied the bible with me – they set aside time in their own schedules to spend time teaching me and sharing their hearts with me. For that, I am eternally grateful. I didn’t always make it easy for them, but they loved me anyway. Thank you Twah, Marie, Angelique, Stacia, Yazmin, Summer, Alyssa, Dominique and Margaret… and the hundreds of women along the way over these last thirteen years that have continued to teach and train me.
I am committed to living each day forward walking with Him and continuing to fall deeper in love with Him and His word. I am committed to loving others as I love myself and I continue to pray that He will be glorified through my life as He refines me to reflect the image of His son. I am so grateful for this incredible adventure that I am on!
I’ve included a few old photos from thirteen years ago… I had a film camera then, so unfortunately I don’t have many photos from those days.
Below: This is from a Fashion Show I did at the Fashion Institute of Technology where I was studying fashion design. I was proudly rocking my leather pants. Stacia was one of my models.
Below: Lorena, Dominique and me in our tiny NYC apartment
Below: Me, Angelique and my dad – moving us into our tiny NYC apartment on Sixth Avenue and 28th St.
Below: With some of the girls in our Campus Ministry at the park on the Hudson River (Chelsea, Sonia, Christiana, Alyssa, Twah, & me)
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Bethany Cox - i love you! thank you so much for writing this and being to open and honest. the world needs more people like you. i love your heart and I can see that it is the heart of God.
Ana Cuevas - Greetings Vanessa! Thank you for sharing what you are going through. I want to encourage you to remind yourself as to why you are out there. My favorite song is kings and Queens by AudioAdrenalin because it reminds me that when I give to “the least of these” I am allowing God to use me to have them feel like they are dancing with God, clothes in majesty. I send you a big hug and I will be praying that you continue to be a part of the solution and see through the eyes of God why you are there. *HUGS*